Penetrating our pupils this week: Biffy Clyro are shirtless and avoiding sticky liquids, Muse treat us to free laser eye surgery and we go shopping with Courtney Love…
Still averse to wearing shirts (but when you have spunked thousands of pounds inking up your torso I guess you wouldn’t bother wearing clothes) Biffy are performing new track ‘Black Chandelier’ in a poorly lit building, as a sticky substance drips all over. Now Biffy Clyro can certainly rock and deserve their arena swelling status but this song could almost be from a manufactured ‘boy band’ – what’s that you can hear in the background? That will be somebody choking on Corporate Rock’s massive bell end.
Back to the vid and a troupe of tar clad ladies are running, this would have more effect visually if it wasn’t set at night. In bad lighting. As the ladies (could be men too I wasn’t sure) start to approach the band ‘Black Chandelier’ actually does start to get heavier and then it stops as the women explode spraying sticky goo up the walls & quite possibly on the bands faces..
Biffy Clyro – Black Chandelier
Muse now and a video comprising of live concert footage for ‘Follow Me’. Weirdly the promo clip starts off with Muse in an elevator, as if to say ‘Hey were normal we use the lift just like our fans would! We don’t have servants to carry us up 23 flights of stairs!’ (I bet they do).
So what does a Muse live show look like these days? Millions of apocalyptic lasers that could quite possibly perform eye surgery are present as Matt struts around wearing a shirt resembling an effeminate zebra.
Now I’m going to get some abuse for this as Muse fans are loyal to the bitter end, but what I want to know is when did the band turn into an Erasure tribute act? This keyboard heavy jizzfest is pure pop no matter how many visuals of a moshing crowd they insert, and those blasts of smoke shooting out of the stage at the end surely symbolises Muse these days: full of hot air.
Muse – Follow Me
So as two massive Rock acts embrace the mainstream and with news that Paul McCartney fronted a ‘reunited’ Nirvana this week (Kurt Cobain WAS Nirvana end of conversation here) my thoughts turned to the one and only Courtney Love, Courtney has a brand new single entitled ‘This Is War’ coming out in February that was produced by ex Smashing Pumpkin guitarist James Iha.
Courtney released a solo album way back in 2004 ‘America’s Sweetheart’, it was mediocre at best due to Ms Love being completely off her face on drugs but did have some seriously good tunes amongst the dross. Lets hope the new track is as good as this;
As ‘Mono’ starts Courtney is having a nap in a glass box in the woods, but as fairies with big tits fly over her she wakes up! No sooner has Courtney awoken then those bloody paparazzi are here trying to get pics of her large box..
As she sings ‘well they say that rock is dead, and they’re probably right’ she makes a run for it dressed as Bette Davis in ‘What Ever Happened To Baby Jane’ and heads to the local supermarket.
Instead of perusing the ailses Courtney starts trashing the place – they must have been playing a Foo Fighters song – a security guard requests back up and within seconds a swat team arrive. Luckily the store sells a spray that turns you into Courtney Love – you cannot order it from tesco.com I’ve tried – and she uses it to turn somebody into a decoy.
American security guards aren’t daft though and they’re soon back onto the real Courtney, who is left with no choice but to pull 6 ten year old girls wielding chainsaws out of her underpants. ‘Mono’ has more crunching guitars and screamed vocals in it’s first 30 seconds than Biffy Clyro and Muse manage in an entire song, if ‘This Is War’ rocks like this than I for one cannot wait.
Courtney Love – Mono