Christmas is a time for giving, but quite frankly with ‘presents’ such as these you can keep them. Christmas songs aren’t really supposed to be good I guess, with the exception of The Pogues ‘Fairytale Of New York’ it is rather debatable if their actually is a decent one.These Festive fluffers are actually diabolical but Videodrone likes to share it’s misery on a weekly basis not just at this time of year.
And so first up is Tim Wheeler & Emmy The Great with a musical abortion entitled ‘Zombie Christmas’. As the title drips down the screen in splatter movie red graphics we open on a girl on the phone – this has no relevance on anything else at all in the video but it’s nice they managed to tick off some Horror movie must haves from the list.
We cut to a child in bed, blissfully unaware that a zombie in a Santa hat is crawling out of the goddamn chimney! Before you can scream ‘wake up bitch!’ her mum snatches her from the bed.
Next we get Emmy and Tim performing the track to some elves who look bored as fuck and are probably incredulous that this song was even recorded let alone released as a single.
Suddenly a horde of zombies stagger towards the band, Emmy looks rather pissed off and so stabs one of the undead with her mic stand. As Tim whacks one zombie around the head we see footage of the actual Santa being attacked, then possibly eaten. Four people arrive who I presumed were supposed to resemble the cast of Shaun Of The Dead, they say lines like ‘Rup par pum pum mother fucker’ whilst stabbing these pathetic looking creatures with giant candy canes.
This is spectacularly awful and has to be seen to be believed, in fact I wouldn’t even bother unless you can stomach losing a whole 4 minutes of your life that you will never get back..
The Killers return with their annual tradition of releasing a Christmas single and this year give us ‘I Feel It In My Bones’ – socks would have been more welcome but I digress.
As the video starts we see The Killers in bed tossing and turning, having nightmares about a ‘bad’ Santa before Brandon starts singing a song (very 80’s sounding & not remotely in a good way) cue the dry ice machine as he straight faced sings the line ‘I was naughty once, but now I’m nice’.
So the song appears to be about being upset that they don’t get any Christmas presents, well boo fucking hoo this band have amassed millions in the bank so I am quite sure they can afford to buy themselves a Lynx gift set. Santa checks his baubles and then waves a sword around and as you think to yourselves that the lyrics cannot possibly get any worse we hear a Ho Ho Ho in the chorus, I’m not even joking.
Further to establishing Santa as ‘bad’ we see him riding a motorcycle whilst drinking eggnog – WTF is that btw? – and tying up a shop worker with tinsel before blowing up the entire store, which is an extreme reaction to being overcharged but if I hear this song whilst doing my Christmas shopping I’d be inclined to do the same.