Morrissey Videodrone Special

Videodrone Morrissey special edition
As quifftastic miserabilist* Morrissey embarks on his US tour Videodrone raises a glass of Grey Goose vodka and slips into a shimmery shirt to watch some classic Mozzer videos.
*WG love him really

As ‘Suedehead’ clangs into action Moz is languishing in the bath of his Chelsea abode with a typewriter and is flanked by a huge poster of James Dean. A sprightly infant delivers Mozzer a package whilst grinning inanely, he is either a huge Smiths fan or he enjoys pretending to be a postman either way our hero waits until he is in America to open it. Morrissey has clearly picked the wrong time of year to go on holiday as it looks bloody freezing and that famous quiff is now tucked under a hat as he tries to keep warm. Opening the package it turns out to be a French copy of the book ‘The Little Prince’, unimpressed Moz is here in Fairmount Indiana on a James Dean pilgrimage and begins snapping way with a camera so old that it probably does all the Instagram functions. As Morrissey sits in a barn he clearly should have kept his coat on as it is visibly freezing, but that doesn’t stop him from playing bongo drums outside surrounded by cows and then sitting beside James Dean’s grave looking nonchalant. A great video for arguably one his best solo songs.

‘Interesting Drug’ is set in Hawtrey High which is surely a fictional school, I can’t think of any other places of education named after Carry On stars but I digress.
This choice cut from ‘Bona Drag’ has a video that is definitely Interesting and the director is very possibly on Drugs.
As the boys of Hawtrey High lounge about in the toilets, writing on walls and reading articles about Diana Dors their uniform seems to consist of the unusual compulsory requirement of shiny black high heels.
One lad looks at photographs of models clad in fur coats – probably no knickers, before a brief flash of a dead seal makes him screw the jizz mag up and toss it into the toilet.
A quick cut to Moz jauntily singing on stage and then we are outside a Job Centre with a woman whose huge breasts are even bigger than her mass of hair.

Busty lady is soon chaining herself to the railings of Hawtrey High but the stiletto wearing boys seem uninterested.
She unchains herself and joins the boys for some street dancing before Moz himself comes over to hand them some flyers. If meeting Morrissey is this easy then I’m going to be dancing on a street corner with a curvy lady for the next month.
My all-time favourite Morrissey video now for another great song from ‘Bona Drag’.

Moz is in some exotic location for ‘November Spawned A Monster’ wearing a sexy blouse and throwing some excellent dance moves.
I once recreated this choreography at the Smiths & Morrissey Disco in Manchester after a litre of cheap gin and ended up with a posse of female admirers afterwards – true story.
Seriously though as Moz swings off a rock and flails about with an apple in his mouth and a plaster over a nipple this video is just perfect. Some wild thrashing around during the middle eighth even finds him pretending to play the harmonica with a huge bar of chocolate. I wager that never has a man with hair that high, a hearing aid & a see-through blouse looked so amazing.

Perhaps the most essential Morrissey song and video ‘Every Day Is Like Sunday’ features a teenage girl wandering aimlessly around a Coastal town that they did indeed forget to close down.
As the girl meanders past a butchers she runs off horrified by the slabs of flesh or maybe even the price of steak these days. She soon takes solace writing postcards and hassling two geriatric tarts for having an animal print jacket.
Teen girl gets picked up by The Smiths cover star Billie Whitelaw who has just popped down to the shops, probably to stock up on Linda McCartney frozen ready meals for her sulky daughter.
I’d lock the stroppy ungrateful cow in her room, you simply cannot trudge around decrepit sea side towns terrorising over made up grannies no matter what they are wearing.

Full list of Morrissey’s North American tour dates:

Oct. 5: Boston, Mass. (Wang Theatre)
Oct. 6: Waterbury, Conn. (Palace Theater)
Oct. 10: New York, N.Y. (Radio City Music Hall)
Oct. 15: Portland, Maine (State Theatre)
Oct. 16: Burlington, Vt. @Flynn Center for the Performing Arts)
Oct. 18: Albany, N.Y. (Palace Theatre)
Oct. 19: Niagara Falls, N.Y. (Rapids Theatre)
Oct. 23: Pittsburgh, Pa. (Heinz Hall)
Oct. 24: Columbus, Ohio (LC Indoor Pavilion)
Oct. 26: Flint, Mich. (James H Whiting Auditorium)
Oct. 27: Chicago, Ill. (Chicago Theatre)
Oct. 29: Minneapolis, Minn. (Orpheum Theatre)
Oct. 30: Clear Lake, Iowa (Surf Ballroom)
Nov. 1: Lincoln, Neb. (Rococo Theatre)
Nov. 3: Denver, Colo. (Ellie Caulkins Opera House)
Nov. 4: Salt Lake City, Utah (Kingsbury Hall at University of Utah)
Nov. 8: Seattle, Wash. (Moore Theatre)
Nov. 10: Bellingham, Wash. (Mount Baker Theatre)
Nov. 11: Portland, Ore. (Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall)
Nov. 14: Davis, Cali. (Robert Mondavi Center at UC Davis)
Nov. 16: San Francisco, Cali. (Davies Symphony Hall)
Nov. 17: Reno, Nev. (John Ascuaga’s Nugget – Rose Ballroom)
Nov. 21: Tempe, Ariz. (Marquee Theater)
Nov. 23: Las Vegas, Nev. (The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas at The Chelsea Ballroom)
Nov. 24: Los Angeles, Calif. (Staples Center Arena)
Nov. 27: El Paso, Texas (Tricky Falls)
Nov. 28: Wichita Falls, Texas (Kay Yeager Coliseum)
Nov. 30: Pharr, Texas (Pharr Entertainment Center)
Dec. 1: Beaumont, Texas (Jefferson Theatre)
Dec. 3: Atlanta, Ga. (Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre)
Dec. 5: Asheville, N.C. (Orange Peel)
Dec. 7: North Bethesda, Md. (The Music Center at Strathmore)
Dec. 8: Atlantic City, N.J. (Showboat Resort and Casino – House of Blues