Videodrone! Crystal Castles, Throwing Muses, Funeral Suits

Videodrone! Crystal Castles, Throwing Muses, Funeral Suits

Ejaculating onto our eyeballs this week are some true examples of how weird & wonderful music videos can be.

First up is techno goths Crystal Castles with their promo clip for ‘Plague’ originally created by fan Ivan Grbin who clearly has lots of free time, the band liked it so much they have made it the official video – ie; they couldn’t be bothered making one themselves.
Comprising entirely of footage stolen from the 1981 film ‘Possesion’ it follows a woman with an inane grin staggering around and bumping into the walls of an abandoned subway. As haunting synths lead into the vocal said lady appears to be having some kind of fit, which is a bit of an extreme reaction if you ask me. Our clearly disturbed lady swings a handbag full of cocaine around as the song erupts, before acting like a pilled up casualty at an Ibizan rave.
A quick cut to the most disturbing ballet class footage you will witness this side of ‘Black Swan’ and we return to epileptic lady as her convulsive throes tweak out the end of the song. Maybe she just isn’t a fan of Crystle Castles but I certainly enjoyed ‘Plague’ with it’s twisted beats and dark, screamy vocal.

One from the archives now as the long lost, original video for Throwing Muses brilliant ‘Bright Yellow Gun’ has recently resurfaced online after the over sensitive types at Warner Brothers pulled the plug and demanded the band make a different promo clip. Not content with that they also removed all trace of the original from the Internet but now it’s back!!
Actually it is relatively easy to see what freaked out those WB execs…
As the band play in some cocktail bar straight out of a David Lynch film set, Kristin Hersh is seen playing poker with a chimp. Yes do not adjust your monocle a chimp, I’m not sure if it was the spectacular imagery of Kristin jumping on the bed with a chimp or scenes of her husband and manager dressed as a ‘sexy’ cowgirl waving his gun around that saw this video rejected but having it back is a timely reminder of how joyous and life affirming original indie rock can be. ‘Bright Yellow Gun’ is the Muses at their most bass laden, drum driven anthemic best. Enjoy the chimp while he is around, you never know WB may pull the plug again soon.

If the Warner Brothers executives were horrified by a woman in bed with a chimp then lord only knows how they would react upon seeing the new video by Funeral Suits.
Dark, epic music is the bands trademark and master producer Stephen Street saw fit to work on their debut record what is equally impressive is that KYLIE MINOGUE has directed this video for them!!!.
Except she hasn’t it was Kevin Minogue (no I don’t know if they are related) who created this dark pagan horror clip for the song ‘Hands Down’
A woman staggers out of the sea and is met by two girls, they urge her to join them as they run through the forest for bloody ages. All this time we have dreamy guitars that do go on for a bit so I am beginning to get a bit bored but then lovely vocals start as the girls are attacked by someone in a red pig face mask!
Curly haired girl gets hit in the chest with an arrow! As beach girl cowers the other one legs it, maybe beach girl – let’s call her Barbara – is enjoying the song which is very nice actually all tinkly guitars and lush vocals.
Pig face woman is approaching but good old Bab’s grabs a knife and slits her throat! If the chorus wasn’t “ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh” this would probably be quite terrifying.
Next scene is loads of the pig faced people about to do a sacrifice! I don’t remember The Wicker Man being this exciting. As the song bursts into life Bab’s does the decent thing and smashes a weird masked guy over the head with a rock, she then takes his sword and slits his throat resulting in some arterial spray to rival Kill Bill.
By this time the track is fantastic, this video is amazing & I don’t want it to end, but it does as the pig women run towards our lovely Bab’s and it fades to black as the song ends.
It cannot end like that, I demand that they turn this into a 90 minute film and inform me when it is available on Netflix

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Videodrone! Crystal Castles, Throwing Muses, Funeral Suits